Today has been a rough day for me emotionally. In case you don't know what happened, here's the story so I don't have to explain it.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/09/us/violence-revisits-virginia-tech-after-two-are-killed-in-shooting.html
It's tough. I love this school more than anything and events like this, do they make me regret my decision? Do I feel unsafe or worried about my future? The answer is no.
Virginia Tech is more than a school, more than a college, and more than place. It's a community. It's a family. The love we share for each other is platonic and big hearted.
To the people who texted/called/facebooked/tweeted me to see if I was ok, Thank you. from the bottom of my heart.
My heart is heavy tonight as for the reason I named the blog what I did. Officer Crouse was 39 and lost his life keeping this campus and this family safe. But that isn't what my focus has been on. My focus has been on the fact that he was survived by his wife, 5 children, other step children and his mother and brother. How would I go about tell my kids they would never see their mom again? What about christmas?? Is it still an option for the family at this point?
I'll leave you with a few thoughts and links:
Here is the story on the officer who was killed.
http://www.vtnews.vt.edu/articles/2011/12/120811-unirel-crousememoriam.html
And here is something that really touched my heart. Given the situation, I will ensure this is ok with the family as it is possible the family just wants to grieve alone.
http://www.facebook.com/events/317632654923222/
But in a matter of an hour in a half, 1200 people have said they want to help. Would a city do that? Would a college do that? No. But a family would.
Another link that hit me hard. It shows God's handy work. and that he does care about Blacksburg, Virginia and knows every single of the 30,000 students by name and the number of hairs on their head.
http://imgur.com/5NUw3
If you are reading this, then more than likely you know me on some level. But! Not many people know the real me. The real me is torn tonight and is finding hard to move on with the rest of exams and life like the rest of the nation and world is because a fellow family member is no longer with us and that means hurting for the people he loved. I will make it through so don't think I'm not strong. But know I would love your prayers.
Sincerely, a somber but knowing God is bigger...
Hokie
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Sophomore!
Well First week as a sophomore is done. Let me tell you a little bit about my classes.
Accounting- The material isn't my favorite but I really like the professor. He is close to my age and relates the material really well.
Business Statistics- Again, material is kinda dry but it shouldn't be too bad. Professor comes off Hard but I know she really wants the best. She already cancelled class on the Thursday night football game. Win in my book.
Public Speaking- Blah. Requirement for just about everybody. TA is quite annoying and ditsy but I will live.
Music Theory- Probably my favorite class. I love the material. It's challenging me to learn more about music, a strong passion I have.
World Regions- Imagine this. In the biggest auditorium on campus, with 3,000 fellow students, learning about current events from a comedian of a professor that strives to include everyday technologies like twitter into the class. Yep. It's epic.
Accounting- The material isn't my favorite but I really like the professor. He is close to my age and relates the material really well.
Business Statistics- Again, material is kinda dry but it shouldn't be too bad. Professor comes off Hard but I know she really wants the best. She already cancelled class on the Thursday night football game. Win in my book.
Public Speaking- Blah. Requirement for just about everybody. TA is quite annoying and ditsy but I will live.
Music Theory- Probably my favorite class. I love the material. It's challenging me to learn more about music, a strong passion I have.
World Regions- Imagine this. In the biggest auditorium on campus, with 3,000 fellow students, learning about current events from a comedian of a professor that strives to include everyday technologies like twitter into the class. Yep. It's epic.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Yep. Today hasn't been the best.
My family and I (really just my mom and I) have been arguing more and more and I don't like it. Maybe I have spent too much time at home. I am definitely ready to go back to school.
Some more discouraging news: I was not approved to change majors like I wanted to. I have been crushed most of the evening. Disappointed in myself mostly in that I made this harder on myself by not choosing what I wanted to do the first time. I have been here calling myself a failure and how worthless I am because I may have no future but I beat myself up too much. I have no clue what it is, but God has a plan for me. And I really want to believe it is an amazing plan. This whole college process has not been easy for me. I am going to take the classes I intended to take and try to do really well so as to boost my GPA and then reapply after this semester. I graduated 8th in my class in high school. Above a 4.0 GPA and found school to be so easy. I thought I was going to program but I was dead wrong. If you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will go through life thinking it's a failure. I just wish college wasn't about numbers and files and grades. It should be about learning.
Life is hard. But if was easy, would it be worth going through? It takes a strong person to take the hits and keep rolling. That's what I am doing.
I had no intention of using this as a personal stuff for everyone to read but whatever. I have never cared what others think. I have enough on my plate without that. I have a best friend that lives in California. and she amazes me everyday. maybe I can meet her someday. No one else makes me want to stay up til 7am talking on the phone.
I wonder if I should have gone to youth camp this week? I know I would have loved it but money, school, life; it just didn't seem right.
At least I get to have some fun tomorrow night with my best friends. I need it.
Can't think of anything else to add. So Peace Out Girlscout.
Some more discouraging news: I was not approved to change majors like I wanted to. I have been crushed most of the evening. Disappointed in myself mostly in that I made this harder on myself by not choosing what I wanted to do the first time. I have been here calling myself a failure and how worthless I am because I may have no future but I beat myself up too much. I have no clue what it is, but God has a plan for me. And I really want to believe it is an amazing plan. This whole college process has not been easy for me. I am going to take the classes I intended to take and try to do really well so as to boost my GPA and then reapply after this semester. I graduated 8th in my class in high school. Above a 4.0 GPA and found school to be so easy. I thought I was going to program but I was dead wrong. If you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it will go through life thinking it's a failure. I just wish college wasn't about numbers and files and grades. It should be about learning.
Life is hard. But if was easy, would it be worth going through? It takes a strong person to take the hits and keep rolling. That's what I am doing.
I had no intention of using this as a personal stuff for everyone to read but whatever. I have never cared what others think. I have enough on my plate without that. I have a best friend that lives in California. and she amazes me everyday. maybe I can meet her someday. No one else makes me want to stay up til 7am talking on the phone.
I wonder if I should have gone to youth camp this week? I know I would have loved it but money, school, life; it just didn't seem right.
At least I get to have some fun tomorrow night with my best friends. I need it.
Can't think of anything else to add. So Peace Out Girlscout.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Update
After talking to my dad, he said something that hit me. "Nothing is constant but change." Woah. Why have I not realized this sooner?
I don't know what my future holds but my heart and mind is now content with my present. For the most part anyway. I'm excited for this new season.
You can't put God in a box. There is no box that is big enough.
Let's go.
I don't know what my future holds but my heart and mind is now content with my present. For the most part anyway. I'm excited for this new season.
You can't put God in a box. There is no box that is big enough.
Let's go.
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
What a feeling?
Woah.. I haven't blogged in months and tonight is just one of those nights I need to let out some feelings and stuff. My shrink is out of town so bare me on this one. It may not be the most pleasant of posts.
If you are reading this, you obviously care about me which I do appreciate. There aren't many people who seem to these days so I am glad you are one of them.
So it goes like this, the fourth the fifth, not really... That's a song... Anywho, There has been a LOT of Drama present over the past few months at the church I currently attend. For me, I wasn't really involved in the situation but I feel guilty. I have lost friends. I have become quicker to anger. And more importantly, it has changed the way I view a lot of things.
Recently, I have felt just plain left out and disregarded like the old version of a child's favorite toy. I don't know why? I have been told I am guilty by association but how is that fair? Should I be jealous that I don't get to be involved in what use to be "my clique" or group anymore? Is this a trick of the enemy? Questions I will be pondering for quite a while. I miss some people so much at times, it hurts. But I don't know how this will resolve if it will resolve.
BUT! There is good news. There are a few things I do know.
1) God is bigger than any person, any church, and any problem
2) A church is not about the people in it, it's about the big man upstairs and growing in a solid relationship with him.
3) In anger and chaos, people do things they regret but don't want to admit they made mistakes.
4) He makes all things new
I refuse to take a side in the situation but as a person who has heard mostly one side of the argument, I sympathize with the other side in that wrong doing was done in BOTH parties.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know what God has for me in the future. I have felt recently that maybe I need a change in scenery when it comes to where I choose to worship but my flesh would have a hard time parting due to some undisclosed circumstances. Praying on that one. We will see what happens.
I have been taking a summer Economics class online at a local community college to get ahead for next year's studies back at Tech. The class is not overly hard but I find the material so dry. It is hard for me to stay focused on something I'm not interested in which is weird for me because I am interested in sooo many different areas. Luckily, the class is only 5 weeks long so it won't be long before I am done and free again.
Everyone knows the saying (please excuse the foulness of the phrase but it needs to be said) "Bros before hoes" Wow have I found out that is not true. Friends will ditch you in a heartbeat to hang out with their ladys and won't think anything of it. I felt like I was wronged but after thinking about it, maybe I wasn't. One of the areas all Guys are interested is girls. I have never been too keen in that area. I have a few close female friends, some that don't even live near me, but other than that, I don't really do the dating thing. Call me whatever, but maybe that just isn't me? I believe (and hope) that the right girl will just hit me in face one day. We will see how that goes.
I am so ready for football season. This time of the year is always hard for me because I always feel deprived of sports. (sorry baseball fans) Ready to be in Lane!
Well.. I can't think of anything else to put here so until next time (which I hope will be sooner than later)
Stephen
If you are reading this, you obviously care about me which I do appreciate. There aren't many people who seem to these days so I am glad you are one of them.
So it goes like this, the fourth the fifth, not really... That's a song... Anywho, There has been a LOT of Drama present over the past few months at the church I currently attend. For me, I wasn't really involved in the situation but I feel guilty. I have lost friends. I have become quicker to anger. And more importantly, it has changed the way I view a lot of things.
Recently, I have felt just plain left out and disregarded like the old version of a child's favorite toy. I don't know why? I have been told I am guilty by association but how is that fair? Should I be jealous that I don't get to be involved in what use to be "my clique" or group anymore? Is this a trick of the enemy? Questions I will be pondering for quite a while. I miss some people so much at times, it hurts. But I don't know how this will resolve if it will resolve.
BUT! There is good news. There are a few things I do know.
1) God is bigger than any person, any church, and any problem
2) A church is not about the people in it, it's about the big man upstairs and growing in a solid relationship with him.
3) In anger and chaos, people do things they regret but don't want to admit they made mistakes.
4) He makes all things new
I refuse to take a side in the situation but as a person who has heard mostly one side of the argument, I sympathize with the other side in that wrong doing was done in BOTH parties.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but I don't know what God has for me in the future. I have felt recently that maybe I need a change in scenery when it comes to where I choose to worship but my flesh would have a hard time parting due to some undisclosed circumstances. Praying on that one. We will see what happens.
I have been taking a summer Economics class online at a local community college to get ahead for next year's studies back at Tech. The class is not overly hard but I find the material so dry. It is hard for me to stay focused on something I'm not interested in which is weird for me because I am interested in sooo many different areas. Luckily, the class is only 5 weeks long so it won't be long before I am done and free again.
Everyone knows the saying (please excuse the foulness of the phrase but it needs to be said) "Bros before hoes" Wow have I found out that is not true. Friends will ditch you in a heartbeat to hang out with their ladys and won't think anything of it. I felt like I was wronged but after thinking about it, maybe I wasn't. One of the areas all Guys are interested is girls. I have never been too keen in that area. I have a few close female friends, some that don't even live near me, but other than that, I don't really do the dating thing. Call me whatever, but maybe that just isn't me? I believe (and hope) that the right girl will just hit me in face one day. We will see how that goes.
I am so ready for football season. This time of the year is always hard for me because I always feel deprived of sports. (sorry baseball fans) Ready to be in Lane!
Well.. I can't think of anything else to put here so until next time (which I hope will be sooner than later)
Stephen
Monday, February 28, 2011
Blah
Rain is quite hard on college students that have to walk everywhere. Thank God for the person who invented umbrellas.
Sitting here in my Intro to Java class, I am realizing how much I do not enjoy coding. After getting my first test grade back, I know that this is not for me. I am in a tough spot thought because I cannot really do anything until next semester. So, I am stuck suffering through this mess until May. I suppose I will just have to suck it up and do the best I can do, even if that isn't what the world considers success or sufficient.
My engineering class is my other class that is such a waste of time. The instructor knows nothing about the material but instead has the TAs to do his work. Our class consists of tutorials that we must individually do. I thought I came to college to be tought? Not to teach myself... I get a retest on that first test (MATLAB) so hopefully I will do well on that.
Other classes are not too bad. Looking forward to a break next week and quality time with family. Excited about having some father son time this Thursday. Seeing Harlem Globetrotters in Roanoke. Should be great.
Starting to get my voice back from losing it at the game on Saturday night. that's good.
It amazes me how much I enjoy worship. At church yesterday, I could barely talk but I didn't care. I still love praising him. I need to work on my singing and guitar playing. I would love to be able to let other people worship because of seeing me. I am not a person who loves to play for people or do anything infront of people for that matter. But I feel like worship is different. I will give this some thought and get back to you.
There is this one kid in my Java class that does nothing but try to show how smart he is with programming. I may bring my nerf gun to class next time and just shoot him in the head when he opens his mouth about proving the teacher wrong. Hahaha
Need to finish my excel project for ACIS (my favorite class) tonight as well as start studying for Vector and do my other Out of Class assignment for my problem solving class. Going to be changing majors to Information Systems after this semester. I want to work with systems and in networking.
Blahh. About to get out of this class and head back to the dorm to do some work. Hope all is well.
God Bless.
Sitting here in my Intro to Java class, I am realizing how much I do not enjoy coding. After getting my first test grade back, I know that this is not for me. I am in a tough spot thought because I cannot really do anything until next semester. So, I am stuck suffering through this mess until May. I suppose I will just have to suck it up and do the best I can do, even if that isn't what the world considers success or sufficient.
My engineering class is my other class that is such a waste of time. The instructor knows nothing about the material but instead has the TAs to do his work. Our class consists of tutorials that we must individually do. I thought I came to college to be tought? Not to teach myself... I get a retest on that first test (MATLAB) so hopefully I will do well on that.
Other classes are not too bad. Looking forward to a break next week and quality time with family. Excited about having some father son time this Thursday. Seeing Harlem Globetrotters in Roanoke. Should be great.
Starting to get my voice back from losing it at the game on Saturday night. that's good.
It amazes me how much I enjoy worship. At church yesterday, I could barely talk but I didn't care. I still love praising him. I need to work on my singing and guitar playing. I would love to be able to let other people worship because of seeing me. I am not a person who loves to play for people or do anything infront of people for that matter. But I feel like worship is different. I will give this some thought and get back to you.
There is this one kid in my Java class that does nothing but try to show how smart he is with programming. I may bring my nerf gun to class next time and just shoot him in the head when he opens his mouth about proving the teacher wrong. Hahaha
Need to finish my excel project for ACIS (my favorite class) tonight as well as start studying for Vector and do my other Out of Class assignment for my problem solving class. Going to be changing majors to Information Systems after this semester. I want to work with systems and in networking.
Blahh. About to get out of this class and head back to the dorm to do some work. Hope all is well.
God Bless.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Being a Hokie
I believe I can literally say tonight was the best night of my life so far. Virginia Tech upset #1 in the Nation Duke in Basketball and it felt amazing to get on the court and celebrate with 9,000 of my closest school mates. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for me. Right now though, it holds sleep. Church in the morning.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
January 30, 2011
I feel like I always have 4 billion things on my mind at once. I am going to use this to hopefully express my life to others and maybe, just maybe encourage, empower, and inspire to do something about your life.
Seeing how this is my first blog, I suppose I will give you my 411. I live my life as a 19 year old student at Virginia Tech studying computers and networking. I have strong beliefs but find myself not wanting to express them. I believe I am here in this phase of my life for reason and my God knows it. He is victory. I love worship.
I enjoy playing music. I taught myself drums around the age of 15 and still love to play them. I took piano lessons as a youngin' and also taught myself bass. I just recently got a guitar and am slowing learning in my spare time.
I play Xbox a lot. I enjoy relaxing by killing aliens, defeating the enemy, assassinating my target, dunking on the center or running for 4 TD's in a game.
My current major is Computer Science. I don't know where this is going to take me. I am debating switching majors after this semester so that I can focus on what I want to do and not on what the college wants me to study. Pray about that if you feel led.
My political views vary with the issues. I know my stance on certain ideas, practices, and laws but that does not impede the big picture of making a country united and free.
My perspective on life has almost always been positive. You get what you put into my mom has always told me. A smile, holding the door, pushing in your chair, or even just saying hi to a complete stranger can have so much more of an impact than you think. I encourage people to be happy. I usually am and I can only hope to bring my attitude about the world to my world around me.
I am going to try to make this a weekly habit. Hope all is well!
Stephen
Seeing how this is my first blog, I suppose I will give you my 411. I live my life as a 19 year old student at Virginia Tech studying computers and networking. I have strong beliefs but find myself not wanting to express them. I believe I am here in this phase of my life for reason and my God knows it. He is victory. I love worship.
I enjoy playing music. I taught myself drums around the age of 15 and still love to play them. I took piano lessons as a youngin' and also taught myself bass. I just recently got a guitar and am slowing learning in my spare time.
I play Xbox a lot. I enjoy relaxing by killing aliens, defeating the enemy, assassinating my target, dunking on the center or running for 4 TD's in a game.
My current major is Computer Science. I don't know where this is going to take me. I am debating switching majors after this semester so that I can focus on what I want to do and not on what the college wants me to study. Pray about that if you feel led.
My political views vary with the issues. I know my stance on certain ideas, practices, and laws but that does not impede the big picture of making a country united and free.
My perspective on life has almost always been positive. You get what you put into my mom has always told me. A smile, holding the door, pushing in your chair, or even just saying hi to a complete stranger can have so much more of an impact than you think. I encourage people to be happy. I usually am and I can only hope to bring my attitude about the world to my world around me.
I am going to try to make this a weekly habit. Hope all is well!
Stephen
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